Equality for all of my friends

Friday- what a wonderful and emotional day this past Friday was. I kept reaching for the kleenex as I read posts and articles celebrating this long overdue victory for civil rights, equality and love. One post in particular had me tearing up with its bittersweet reminder that we have a long way to go before the LGBT community can freely enjoy all of the liberties and freedoms the rest of us enjoy without a second thought.
My friend Joe's words say it better than I could ever hope to. Please read and remember that there is still work to be done.

(From June 26, 2015)
That time in Council Grove someone slowed down to yell at us from his truck.
That time in Shawnee a prospective landlord told us to stay where we were in no uncertain terms.
That time someone walking by us on Mass St. yelled at us.
That time we had a high school boy as a new roommate because he was evicted by his parents and was homeless.
That time I had to conduct business with a company exclusively by phone because their servers returned any email containing the word "gay".
That time a law firm hiring committee member told me years later that that I was passed over because the firm wasn't sure it was ready for an out attorney.
That time someone straight woke me at 3am to insist I get ex-gay "therapy" because they couldn't sleep thinking about me being gay.
That late night at the office when drunk co-workers yelled through my door.
That time after family law class when the professor told me I was the first student in 30 years of teaching to come out during the same-sex marriage discussion, and 3 other gay students sat nearby silently.
Those times Drew has been called my friend, roommate, brother, business partner, or skipped in introductions entirely (and vice versa).
That time I was closeted and my employer asked my out co-worker to go back in the closet so as not to scare away customers (he refused).
That time I overheard a straight classmate saying he wouldn't associate with us gay students.
That time a gay friend attempted (but thankfully failed) to commit suicide.
That time I got a personal hate message sent to me online.
That night in the restaurant our family ate out next to the state attorney general and his family while he had been fighting recognition of our family by day.
That time a parent told me other parents wouldn't let their children eat food made by a classmate with lesbian moms.
That time five days ago when we met a gay couple who had 30 swastikas etched on their car, and the police said it would have taken a lot of time to do that.
That time my state representative told me in a conversation that gay rights weren't civil rights.

Today's decision is about a specific technical legal issue but it's also about all these times.

One Road

If you’ve lived in Kansas any amount of time you are probably familiar with the two-finger wave; the two fingers you raise from the steering wheel in recognition of a fellow driver passing by. It is one of my favorite things about Kansas.

When I was younger and first encountered the wave on road-trips, I thought it was odd. But after time, it grew on me. The other driver was recognizing my presence.  So I even began to give the wave myself. At first I felt like a poser. But the more I waved, the more natural it felt. I saw them and they saw me.; two Kansans, one road and a shared understanding.

I drive less on country roads these days but I still smile when I get the friendly wave from a fellow Kansan.We could use a few more friendly Kansans in the Statehouse these days.

It is frustrating, disheartening, infuriating and depressing to see the lack of common sense, humanity, and leadership in our elected state government. Our legislators, elected by us, have forgotten us. They have forsaken most Kansans for their generous donors and no-tax pledges.

They have forgotten their humanity while passing laws that treat their most helpless constituents as burdens that need to be shunned and shamed. Our legislators have no understanding or empathy for people that are less fortunate than their donors- which is everyone. 

I have a hard time understanding how the majority of our legislators can repeatedly put the well being of corporations before the well being of their constituents. In 2012 they made the bad decision to eliminate taxes on pass-through businesses and lower personal income taxes. That experiment has failed. They know it. We know it. Our Governor knows it.

But in their desire to please their big donors and national political strategists, they continue to vote against the best interests of our state. The fear of losing their elected position is so strong that it causes them to do serious and long term harm to Kansas and Kansans. They are jeopardizing the education of our children. They are demolishing our access to social services and healthcare. And economic growth has been lagging behind national growth consistently during the Brownback years.  

One constant of the current administration has been the reminder of their devotion to the core religious beliefs that guide their decisions.  Every Sunday my church prays for our leaders, including "Barack, our President and Sam, our Governor". I love that we use their first names. It reminds us that they are people, just like us, who have chosen to serve the public in elected office. So, I pray for our Governor. I pray that he remembers that he has been elected to serve all the people of Kansas; the poor and the rich. 

In Sam Brownback’s own words from a 2006 interview, “The central Christian thesis is to love. Love God, all your heart, mind, soul and flesh and love your neighbor as yourself - that's the central thesis. It doesn't say anything about hating people anywhere in there, other than that that's not a good thing. And you're even to pray for your enemy. There have been many of us as Christians who have failed to practice the faith as it's called upon and that has been damaging to the faith and I regret that.” 

I pray for our Governor and our legislators. And us. I pray that calmer and more sensible heads will prevail and will start to right the course we are on. I pray that our elected officials will start to give us the friendly wave that means we see you and we will help you when you need it;  many Kansans travelling one road. 

The pain of loving Kansas

I love Kansas. And the past couple of days that has been a painful thing to do.

I moved here in 6^th grade, after years of moving around the county and world as an Army brat. At first I wasn’t excited about Kansas. I didn’t understand it. I knew as much about it as anyone else who makes the mind-numbing Wizard of Oz jokes. It was flat and boring. At a least a day’s drive to anywhere good.

Years went by and Kansas was where I remained. And slowly I began to appreciate it without realizing it. The vast and rolling (yes there are hills in Kansas) landscapes began to grow on me. The people were nice and fun. And they didn’t all drive tractors and wear overalls. And when you did pass a tractor or pickup on a gravel road, you exchanged finger waves. It’s how we say “Hi”. And if you get a flat tire on one of those roads where it seems like there isn’t anyone around for miles, you can be guaranteed that within 15 minutes a nice person- a Kansan- will stop and help you out.  And when I do want to get on a plane and visit the ocean, it only takes me three hours. Some may think we are in the middle of nowhere, but really we’re in the middle of everything.

And unfortunately, we are now in the middle of this horrible and hateful war on people. People. Fellow Kansans. Our neighbors and friends, sons and daughters. The people we see in restaurants. They are doctors, lawyers, middle managers, sanitation workers and teachers. They are Kansans. They drive on our streets and pay their taxes. They, like us, choose to live in a place with under-appreciated landscapes and a misunderstood way of life. Sure we are prone to look down on each other depending on whether they are a K-State Wildcat or KU Jayhawk (ROCK CHALK!). But if I’m in NYC or California and I see someone with a K-State shirt on, I claim them. Happily. They are a Kansan. Like me. And that is who this war is against. Not just the LGBT community. But Kansans. All Kansans.

 

Our state government has been taken over by extremists. They are not moderate Kansans. They, dare I say, are not even Kansans. Their drivers licenses may say Kansas. But they aren’t Kansans. If they were,  they wouldn’t take away the services that help our mentally disabled. They wouldn’t take away the social services that help the children of our great State. They wouldn’t pass and implement tax laws that don’t make any sense and place burdens on the backs of everyday Kansans that will soon be unbearable. They wouldn’t pass laws that say because “you don’t live  and believe like I do”, I will no longer serve you – in a restaurant or as a citizen. They wouldn’t be hurting Kansans. They’d be helping them.

Kansas gets enough grief from people outside of the state that don’t understand us. We all get asked “where’s Toto?”. But we can handle those asinine “flat as a pancake” and “you’re not in Kansas anymore” comments because those who say them don’t understand Kansas. They don’t understand the beauty of the Flint Hills or the unmitigated joy one gets in cheering on the Jayhawks in Allen Fieldhouse. They don’t understand how great Free State Beer is and how good Yoder cinnamon rolls are. So, we forgive them, because they don’t get it.

But what we can’t forgive is the hatefulness that our elected officials are directing to the Kansans they are supposed to serve. If allowed to continue, the damage they are doing to Kansas will be incalculable.  We just won’t be the laughing stock of this country, we’ll be a cautionary tale. We won’t just lose fellow Kansans, who can’t in good conscience continue to raise their families in our state, but we’ll lose people who decided not move their businesses here. Why would they? They wouldn’t want to move their businesses to a state that has an underfunded education system and doesn’t value all of their citizenry. And what prospective employees would want to move somewhere that questions basic science and doesn’t understand the importance of separation of church and state.

Kansas was established in 1861 because we needed a place- a refuge- for people who believed in freedom for all. We built schools and libraries because we knew the importance of learning about things we didn’t understand.

These misguided extremists cannot have our state. It’s not theirs. It’s ours.

Going Home

It’s Pi day and I’m celebrating by baking… Mocha double chocolate chip cookies. You celebrate your way and I’ll celebrate mine. 

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been meaning to sit down and update but for some reason have not been able to make myself. 

A stoller. On top of a car.

A lot has happened since last I posted. I went back home to Lawrence and had my wedding dress fitting (where after many prayers the night before and no carbs for two days- it fit like a glove! Whew!), solidified reception details, got an AWESOME chest cold, ate at Bo-Lings- TWICE! Hung out with my nephew and nieces, got to spend a lot of time with my mom (including a 7-hour search for the right strapless bra- good times!), worked on crafty little wedding details, saw a stroller on top of a car on Mass St. (no worries- there wasn't a baby in it.) and last but not least- had the most amazing bridal shower. 

Cute decorations!

Yummy food!

Cutting the cake under the watchful eye of my niece.

Mom and I

I honestly hadn’t really thought of the whole bridal shower “thing” when we decided to get married. There were actually quite a lot of “bridal” things I forgot about until reminded by mom, friends, sister-in-law, helpful vendors. So I really didn’t have any idea of what theme or type of shower I wanted. When I found out that Ashlee and Becki (because I’m really not a fan of the terms “matron of honor” and “bridesmaid”, I’ll refer to them as my bridal entourage) decided to make a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” shower, I realized my entourage is even more amazing and creative than I already knew them to be. 

Becki, Ashlee, me and Mark

Michele and I

It was a small affair held at my parents house. Becki and Ashlee truly out did themselves with the decorations and food (Ashlee’s husband, Mark, assisted as he is a very talented pastry chef and isn’t too bad with the savory items either. Stop by TheMerc and check out their bakery. All of that deliciousness is because of Mark!) My wonderful future mother-in-law sent up a King Cake for the occasion as well. 

It was really nice to see my friends and get dressed up in our little black dresses and wear tiaras (yep- I made everyone wear one- sue me- I’m only planning on getting married once and I’m doing it up right!) Becki even put together a “Brian and Heather” trivia game. Trivia! She knows me so well!

 


















I only lost it once. Among all of the amazing culinary tools that people were generous enough to give us, there was a gift that made me realize how much I love and am missing Lawrence. My thoughtful friend Michele hit the nail on the head with Jayhawk and sunflower candles from Waxman Candles and a Lawrence, Kansas brick. It was perfect. 

 

As I was trying to go to sleep that night (I had not yet taken the ever-so-effective Nyquil), I was trying to understand why Michele’s gift had made me cry. It dawned on me that I am finally from somewhere. All my life when people have asked me where I was from, I would always answer “Nowhere. I’m an Army brat.” Even after having lived in Lawrence for close to 20 years, I never claimed it as it being my hometown. Now that I’ve left, I’m more from Lawrence then I’ve ever been. And when people down here ask me where I’m from, it doesn’t even dawn on me to say “nowhere”. I am quick to answer “Lawrence, Kansas.”  Not Kansas, mind you. Lawrence, Kansas. There is a difference. 

I was home in Lawrence for 10 days. It was a nice long visit. I got to hang with my friends and family. Get me a dose of snow for the winter (of course I would come home during the one week of cold weather they had in Kansas this winter.) But 10 days was also a long time to be away from my Louisiana home and Brian (and the kitties). As I was waiting for my plane home, I realized that I was pretty lucky. No matter if the plane is landing in Kansas City or New Orleans, I'm going home. 

What's Next?

Love has brought me- a Lawrence, Kansas girl- here to South Louisiana. Fifteen months ago I would have never thought it- love or Louisiana- a possibility. And yet here I sit in a warm and cozy 1920’s house wondering what’s next.

One big “next” is this little thing called a wedding. Brian and I are getting married in the spring. It is going to be a small, classic yet relaxed wedding for friends and family. What I failed to realized was that planning a small wedding is as involved as planning a big wedding.  We’ve got most of the biggies taken care of- dress, tux, bridesmaid dresses, priest, flowers, cake, reception, and photographer. Still need to find a DJ (help!).

But now it’s the little things that are starting to stress me out- and it’s always the little things that stress me out. How are we getting to the church? To the reception? When are we going to decorate for the reception? What if nobody comes? What if everybody comes? Should I get someone to do my makeup? I don’t usually wear a lot of makeup, so I want to make sure I look like myself. But I want to look good in the pictures. After all we’re paying a lot for them. But I don’t want to be” Sadie the Painted Lady”. AHHHHHH! These are the things I’m thinking about when we’re sitting on the couch and Brian says “What are you thinking about?” and I say “Nothing.” He wouldn’t get it. I love him but he just wouldn’t get it.

So we’ve got that going on. And then there is everything that goes along with moving to a new city – finding your favorite grocery store, figuring out the best walking location, who is the best veterinarian, etc. etc.  And, of course, there is the “next” that is figuring out what I want to do with my new life in the South.

I am a writer. Up until this point I’ve always had a “regular” job. None of them had “writer” in the position title but somehow I always finagled my way into doing whatever writing needed to be done. I love it. I love/hate the process and I really love when I’m finished.

I am in the enviable position of having the freedom to decide what I want to make of my life down here.  But total freedom can be scary. The options:

1.       Get a “regular” job which would give me the opportunity to meet new people and a steady income.

2.       Strike out on my own and become a freelance writer.

3.       Anything else I want to do.

So, what am I going to do? I’ll keep you posted. It changes from day to day. For instance, today I sat down and began a list of organizations I would like to do some writing for. And when I was done with that, I decided it was a good idea to make some Champagne Strawberry Cupcakes with a White Chocolate Buttercream.

Oh yeah- I’m also a baker. I love it. I find it relaxing. I won’t be as relaxed in five weeks at my wedding dress fitting but oh well. 

Stay tuned for what’s next.